Deep breath…so here is goes. This is a very personal post for me, one that has been weighing on my heart and mind for awhile. For those of you how don’t know me very well or have met me in the last 3 years probably don’t know this, but I have a sister. Close friends and family of course know this, but we don’t talk about her much. Hence the title, The Elephant in the Room! You are probably wondering what in the world, or what happened to her. As far as we know, she is fine. My sister hasn’t talked to our family in over 3 years now. I have received a Christmas card a couple of times and she sent a few gifts and cards when I was expecting Steven. Other than that nothing. No call, no e-mail, not even friends on facebook.
My sister and I were best friends growing up. We are 2 1/2 years apart and growing up in the country without a lot of other options, we were playmates and pretty much inseparable. Now don’t get me wrong, we fought. Lord we fought like cats and dogs sometimes, but we always made up quick. You had to if you wanted someone to play with. Even throughout high school and into college we were close. We both danced, cheered and even joined the same sorority at ODU. I never dreamed of a life without her. But here I am.
It started after Mike and I got married in 2006. Shortly after my sister became anorexic, but would never admit that she had this disease. She dropped down to about 100lbs. It was a very scary time. We were constantly on eggshells because we couldn’t bring it up to her or she would freak out. But we were scared. Scared she would die. Of what was going on with her. During this time she met the man that is now her husband. He never knew my sister before, when she was healthy, and was made to believe by her that this was her normal. He didn’t even recognize her in pictures from my wedding. Their relationship very quickly progressed and soon they were talking about marriage. They were married not even a year after dating and she was still not “healthy”, at least in our eyes. Soon after she slowly starting cutting communication with us.
Now my sister was always well liked. Throughout our lives it was just known that she was the sweet, likable one. It never bothered me. I considered myself more of the funny one, not sure how true that is or not. 🙂 Anyways, after I got married and began her dramatic weight loss, she stopped talking to most of her friends. Ones that new her before, when she was healthy. She had done this before in middle school and high school, but we always assumed it was just her way of finding her group of friends that she really fit in with. We shared a lot of the same friends in college. I sat on the phone several times listening to them cry about how hurt they were and how they were concerned about her. I tried to assure them that she was just going through a hard time and that it would eventually work out.
Well we weren’t ready for the tidal wave coming next.
After she got married, she started to turn on us. We were the last people from her “previous life” left. She started with me and started being mean and rude and barely calling. I would call my mom so upset about how she had treated me. I had defended her to other people and here she was doing the same to me. Next, she turned on my parents. She blamed everything on them, saying they were controlling and liked me and my husband better. She told her husband and his family lies about how we mistreated her and that we were bad people. She had made sure we never got to know him well, so he wouldn’t know any different. I hated when I would call my mom and could tell she had been crying because my sister had hurt her.
We never imagined this would be our life. Without her. But it is. We done a lot of assessing of the situation and have determined that she must have a mental condition of some sort. Now, don’t think we just throw this around. We have done a lot of research and it seems as though she has a condition called borderline personality disorder. Now, we aren’t psychologists or anything, but we know my sister and know that something isn’t normal with her. After looking back, we see that there were signs growing up. She had an irrational fear of my mom dying when she was 4! She had a horrible temper and her emotions were a rollercoaster. Constantly cutting off relationships for no reason.
Now she is expecting her first child, and although this is normally a joyous time in a family, it is a very sad time. It one, confirms that she really wants nothing to do with us as she never contacted to tell us she was expecting. Secondly, there will be a child out there that we won’t be able to love and spoil and kiss and hug. This second part is heartbreaking.
Would we love to have my sister back in our lives? Well that isn’t as easily answered as you may think. She needs help, real help. We need to know how to talk to her and interact with her. Would we have done things differently in the past. Absolutely!! We never knew it was this serious and would have sought professional help for all of us.
Sorry this is so long. I totally understand if no one wants to read this, but it has been weighing on my heart. A little baby could be being born, already born or still waiting to be born. We don’t know. Never take a day for granted with the ones you love and love them the best you can!
Here are some pictures I have of my sister and I throughout the years. Some are scanned in and not the best quality of course. But we obviously loved each other. Just wish I had some recent ones, especially with her and my son.